They Say You'll Figure It Out

An Ode to Consciousness

They say you’ll figure it out. You’re a smart kid. You’ve got plenty of time.

But will I? Am I? Do I?

Not everyone does, you know, “figure it out.” People go bankrupt and homeless. People ruin marriages and become absent parents. People flounder their way through space and time, musing over ‘coulda beens’ at dinner parties with hosts who just want to know if you noticed their new window curtains. People are motivated by vanity.  

Not all people, of course. I’m not that arrogant. Many people resist the traditions of our imperfect society and form a value system of their own. These are the people worth following because they are conscious. They are alive in the spiritual sense of the word. They construct meaning from experience with intention. They deliberate carefully on what’s worth thinking about.

It’s difficult to confirm which thoughts are my own and which thoughts are recycled iterations of the information I consume. I admire intellectual independence, yet I rely on the guidance of emerging public figures with interesting ideas to calculate my view of a successful life.

For example:

I reap immense amounts of inspiration from the writing of people like, Sahil Bloom, Mark Manson, Dan Koe, Ryan Holiday, Nat Eliason, James Clear and many other authors who continually shape my frame of reference.

I listen to countless thought-provoking podcasts like Armchair Expert with Dax Shephard, WTF with Marc Maron, The Tim Ferriss Show and many others to train my ear to the sounds of compelling conjectures and revealing observations.

I watch quite a bit of stand-up comedy, where comedians like Ramy Youssef, Neal Brennan, Ricky Gervais, Mike Birbiglia, George Carlin and many more encourage me to laugh, to cry, but most importantly, to think.

I relish in meaningful conversations with loved ones.

Though I have conflated my self-importance many times before, and I have grappled with the feelings of humility, empathy and gratitude, my vow is consciousness.

I listen to these ‘characters’ and allow their point of view to infiltrate my own because I want to be sure I am thinking about the right things. I want to be sure I am giving my instincts something else to consider. I want to experience that “ah-ha” moment where I ponder thoughtfully on an idea, jot it down in my notebook and incorporate it into my life.

Consider David Foster Wallace’s spirited This Is Water commencement speech at Kenyon College in 2005. He talks about the automatic, default wirings within our brain chemistry that plague our interpretation of our existence as if we are the only ones experiencing it.

I believe the challenge we face is the fear of putting ourselves under the microscope. Upon closer examination, we might not like what we see. We might be forced to acknowledge that the sum of our decisions has not produced a quality life. Realizing hard truths ensues, and the process is painful. Habitualizing new decisions requires considerable conscious effort.  

And the measuring stick for a “quality life” is complex to define because there is no universal dictionary definition. There is no objective judge. It’s more of a feeling deep within you that either burns with love or burns with pain. It’s a compass. It’s a sensation of child-like excitement when you start a new day or it’s the oppressive weight of gravity suffocating your every thought or movement.

It is not comparative. It has nothing to do with who’s doing what or has what or wants what. It has nothing to do with ownership or status.

It’s a feeling, and our responsibility is to tune in. In order to welcome this feeling as our guiding force we must be critically aware of ourselves, our world and the rumblings of discontent that arise from escaping or numbing the intensity of that feeling.

It’s all quite a bit abstract and I am certainly no expert on anything. I could read this back in 5 years or 2 weeks and it could make absolutely no sense. It might not make any sense now.

What I am certain of, however, is faith is not a mystical concept. Faith is a superpower that is earned.

So, returning the to the question. What are we trying to figure out? According to who?

The answer is nothing. And the answer is me.

There is power and struggle in this realization. It is up to me to define what matters, yet the optionality of such a system can be paralyzing. Often times it is. But the liberation of accepting that arrangement is the only way to merge dreams with reality. Similarly, it’s the only way to convert your reality into a dream.

This is a human mission. Whatever your version of self-improvement might be, it’s impossible not to notice when you are truly getting closer to that image. Describe the setting in which you feel the moral compass pointing north. How does the setting change when you feel that compass pointing south?

Ask yourself, am I putting myself in situations where I am more susceptible to growth and development? Or is the result of this situation stagnation? Am I keen enough to accept the difference?

Am I getting better or getting worse?

There is no in between.

Famous author, Robert Greene, juxtaposes the concept of “alive time” versus “dead time.” Alive time refers to the moments when individuals actively engage with their surroundings, learn from their experiences, and work towards personal or professional growth. It involves being present, proactive, and purposeful in one's actions. During alive time, individuals actively seek out challenges, opportunities, and new experiences that contribute to their development and mastery in a particular field.

Dead time, on the other hand, refers to periods when individuals are passively going through the motions without much purpose or progress. It is characterized by boredom, stagnation, and a lack of meaningful engagement. Dead time often occurs when individuals are stuck in routines, distractions, or unproductive activities that do not contribute to their personal or professional goals.

The Stoics would argue that literally everything is the process of dying. That is our only certainty. Is it not worth doing something that inspires you while you die? Is it not worth being alive?

What I truly value is the ability to honestly think for myself. To separate from the pressuring perspective of a society constantly in transition. To question almost everything. To trust my instinct, because I have earned that trust. To feel rewarded by the effort, not the outcome. To close the gap between who I am today and who I intend to be tomorrow, knowing the distance between those versions of myself will never be zero. I will always have a more ideal version of myself to chase, and that’s what makes a life worth living.  

Mathew McConaughey’s famous Oscar Acceptance Speech first introduced me to the idea that I can be the hero in the story without the self-centered, unconscious ideation I was born with that I am the center of the universe. Instead, future me can serve as the role model for present me. The motivation to improve across every domain of life I value – professional, spiritual, interpersonal, creative, etc. – lies in the depiction of how I see myself 10 years from today, according to my terms, rooted in my responsibility to others and the goal of contributing positively to the world.

There is no right way. There is no preferred path or pacing.

It’s you chasing you. Through self-compassion, self-awareness and an insatiable thirst to improve, you will evolve into your designed form.

If that feeling within you burns with pain or discontent, please consider Jim Carrey's Commencement Speech at MIU in 2014. "You can fail at what you don't want. You might as well take a chance on doing what you love."

Maybe it’s worth a big change. Maybe you just need to get practice making small changes. Follow. the feeling. Heed the words of your idols. Write it out on a piece of paper: “What makes me feel alive?” “For what would I die for today?”

For me, as I hone the skill of adhering to the magical stirrings of my soul, I am finally starting to believe in my voice. It’s a constant effort to direct my unrelenting ruminations toward something productive. Right now, I am in the heart of the struggle. Something is leading me to Spain, to teaching, to exploration, to new communities. It will be challenging. It is scary. It also excites me. I am not yet sure why this is the path I am taking. But I trust I will learn by taking it.

I have this idea that is impossible to describe. Sometimes, I can feel future me reflecting back fondly on my present struggle. I can feel myself having ‘figured it out’ 30 years from now, swimming in a sea of gratitude, reminiscing with fulfillment that I had endeavored to live a thoughtful life.

Some might say this idea is putting the cart before the horse. I’ve consented that I have certainly not gotten there yet. Also, how are you supposed to think for a future version of yourself?

To me, it’s the feeling inside me burning with love. I already have everything I want right here because I am earning my faith. My consciousness transcends time. The effort now is the reward, even if I don’t know why. This is the chapter most worth living because it is now, and that will never change.

I will figure it out. On my own terms.

I will become one of the ‘character’s I admire, the source of noteworthy ideas, not only the recipient.

And when I do, I hope to reflect lovingly on every aspect of my experience.

I hope to have grace for these words as I read them.

This is a prayer to myself, really.

And I’m blessed to believe that I will answer it.